The Crooked Cockroach

The pooper – Part I

Posted in Uncategorized by cready on November 4, 2009

The hostel my friends, has a lovely pooper
It poops here; it poops there
It poops every-damn-where

It poops in people’s room; it poops on the volley ball ground
On frantic searching it is never to be found

The pooper is a pain; O what a shame!
Not knowing where to drain, it makes me want to whip it with a cane

Now tell me, with all the filthy smell, wouldn’t you want to be cruel?
Sadly you can’t do anything
‘coz the pooper has the tiny office lady’s solid backing

Sometimes my friends, with great confusion I wonder
If life due to this pooper has become a big blunder
So, I think its time to flex the arm
Before this place becomes a s******g farm

Arise! Awake! And fight back
‘coz pooping randomly isn’t any average Joe’s knack

If on reading the above ‘poem’ you haven’t gotten who all I’m trying to poke, it’s only because you’re not part of the place where I’m staying right now. So, to enlighten the ignorant [and logically the lucky – for having escaped the wrath of the demoniac pooping cats] among you about the latest problem in my life [ya, ya, I know I get obsessed with the pettiest of matters], here it is in simple words:

There’s a lady. She has a billi. No, not one actually, she has the daddy, mommy, three-four kittens, their grand dad, grand mom, aunt, uncle…the whole damn package. But every story should have a central character, right? So for this story, I’ll make this ‘one billi‘  the hero of my kahaani. And what does our hero do? He poops in a devil-may-care manner wherever he finds suitable. Now each member of this family tree poops, but I’m having so much trouble tracking one billi‘s poop that I’ll just pile it all up on our hero itself. Surprisingly, he never finds the lady’s room poop-worthy; I don’t know why. Is it because it is so damn yuck that makes even the pooper go pink with blushes? Or is it genuine respect for the lady and her personal space? Now that is one tough question I’ll leave you to ponder over.

Now, I’ve been staying here for a couple of years and dozens of students have come and gone past. But never did we see any woman. Me and my closest buddies always used to feel how barren this place was with respect to the factor of women. It felt like a jail of some kind, some sort of emotional torture. And when I used to see these pictures of my male friends back home cuddling all these women on social networking sites, it used to end up wondering where did it all go so wrong for me. It was in those desperate, wretched moments that an atheist like me used to pray to God and beg for a little mercy.

The Almighty finally heard my plea – and gifted me and my buddies with the lady. Little did we know that what was coming along was also an avalanche of poop. The first few days and months went nicely; everything was lovey-dovey. We flirted; the lady flirted back. We laughed; the lady laughed along with us. Life was a fairy tale. My faith in God slowly but finally began getting restored.

But the damn cats came along soon. The irony of this story is that the hero billi himself is the villain. Actually the lady didn’t bring them from outside, but they were adopted from the original Godfather of the cats, Mr. Apa, when he left about a year ago. Now, don’t even get me started where this bizarre name comes from – that can spawn a whole new story in itself. I don’t know what the Godfather Apa is up to these days, except I saw him roaming the hallowed corridors of my hostel a few days back with a nicely grown beard [looking much like a cat with whiskers himself].

As I was saying, the cats came along.

Now we are finally ready to embark upon the Adventures of the Lady and the Billi in the magical land of My Hostel. I have a lot to tell you, but I’ll just save it up for my next post. So, far I’ve established the history of the cats and this might seem an abrupt ending, but I guess you should also get used to billis and their antics like we guys did, isn’t it? I promise I’ll be back with a lot of s*** for you to read.

Till then, keep wondering what if the Lady had taught the cats to do ‘it’ this way –

The cat's gotta poop

I never would have come up with this story [:)]. It’s sad that cat lovers don’t have even this amount of common sense.

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