The Crooked Cockroach

Hope

Posted in Uncategorized by cready on September 30, 2009

For the first time of my three years here, I’m feeling I’m running out of time.

As they often say, its a ‘race against time’. Is it a race against will? Honestly, I don’t know. Its so maddening right now that I don’t even have a half an hour to write a nice post about such an interesting topic. But its also so sickening that I’m revolting against time, common sense and every damn thing around and writing something here, spending precious time. You know why? Because it just gives me peace of mind. This writing break makes me feel as if I’m starting all over from zero. And believe it or not, its a good feeling.

I don’t know when I’ll be back here. I don’t know what the future has in store for me. Its hard to make out a melody out of all this noise around. But I hope. I hope  like an eternal optimist. My hope is as carefree as a young kid running wildly in the countryside against the mighty wind, completely oblivious and innocent to what lays in front of him. I hope like a despaired farmer who looks at his barren, dry land and then up there towards the scotching sun in the hope that the rain Gods will finally smile upon him. I hope in spite of knowing that it can drive a man to insanity. My hope is much like a baby’s inhibition-less nap. I hope with such addiction which only a drunkard would know. I hope my future will be as sweet as I have smiled upon in my dreams.

But most of all, I hope because in spite of a few minor hiccups, I know I’m a good person and if at all somebody is there up there, He will not punish me with something which I don’t deserve.

May the stars shine upon me.

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A rambunctious rant

Posted in Uncategorized by cready on September 10, 2009

It’s one of those days when you realize you don’t deserve what life is offering you right now. I’m in a foul mood today, just having returned from a very questionable lunch. Mind you, I’m not one of those types who eat like pigs. I’m a very decent eater who has food just at the right time in the right proportion. And every time I think and realize this, I feel terrible for myself. My mind keeps asking the same “Why me?” to an empty response, only making me even more bitter.

I hate the food. I hate the gut wrenching heat. I hate the smelly, oily people. And every time I hear someone around blabbering in the local language, I almost feel like giving the guy one giant punch in his sick face so that he won’t ever open his God damned mouth. If you are one of those local-ites who know me, I apologize, but it has truly become unbearable now. I’m sick of that sabji that we guys literally call cement ki sabji; I’m sick of the questionable liquid which tastes only like a lot of salt mixed in water. I mean, come one people! Is this food? It’s just a drink which you actually could have in the afternoon time while reading a novel or something. I’m sick of the infinite amount of rice which I never liked much in the first place.I look around and see people swallowing gigantic amounts of it and I can’t help but wonder how they never get constipated or tired of it. All this just reminds me of those sweet hands of my mother when she used to prepare nice, healthy food for me. I feel so terrible now for giving her a hard time then!

Life here has become a nightmare. Sit in the room for half an hour in the afternoon, and I bet you’ll sweat your ass off in spite of the fan running at full speed above you.

And there’s no way to improve the situation, thanks to a stupid crackpot of a professor we have, SS. He’s the biggest bastard life could offer you. Kind of reminds me of Satan! SS – students’ Satan. A sadist who derives pleasure out of his students’ misery. A guy who told one of my friends’ to ‘change his taste buds’ when he went to complain about the food. I swear to God I’m going to have my revenge before I get out of here. The slimy moron will get an earful from me sooner or later. I don’t care how older he is than me or how intelligent he is [which I highly doubt, after judging him from my conversations with him]. I’m going to drug him so hard that he never will come out of those hallucinations. He thinks he’s a dude when he talks in characteristic style with us students. Wait for a little more time, you loud-mouthed brat. I’ll make you the biggest dud there ever was or there ever will be.

You know what, I’ve not picked up a fight with anyone in a long, long time. I haven’t lost my temper either. This comes from a guy who used to panic at the drop of a hat. Honestly, I’m not proud of it, but believe me, I have this built up rage within me just waiting to explode on someone. And I just wish this time, it spills out on someone who truly deserves it – SS.

Are you listening, SS?

Are you listening, SS?

Bring on your antics, sucker! I’ll give you a butt-kicking of a lifetime so hard that you’ll run wailing to your mommy with your bruised tushy.

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The return of the Jinnah(ahaha!)

Posted in Uncategorized by cready on August 22, 2009

Hasn’t it been the best week for Indian politics in recent times? Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m just so damn happy thanks to the abyss that the BJP has become. You might be amused by my crooked utterances, but I felt just so damn refreshed when their ‘intellectual’ chintan baithak fizzled out like this in the most public way possible. But I do feel bad too. I genuinely feel sorry for the victim of the moment, Mr. Jaswant Singh, who on most occasions has been the more moderate, the more restrained and the more educated face of this ‘party with a difference’.

And kudos to Jinnah, the man who continues to rock the media decades after his death, who continues to haunt this party again and again. It seems last time he didn’t scare LK Advani enough and returned this time only to kick some more ass. He must be going “Muahahahaha!!” up there in heaven with his wicked, wry, icy looks! Look at him, just look at him go with that cold-blooded stare [;)]! No wonder we Indians call him the villain of the sub-continent’s partition.

Return of the Jinnah(ahaha!)

Return of the Jinnah(ahaha!)

Yes, but all is not lost for Mr. Jaswant Singh. He might have almost cried on T.V and questioned the BJP’s decision in the most polite way possible in characteristic Jaswant style, but this report says that his book has been selling like hot cakes all over India and even abroad. The book has already become a best-seller in India with 40000 copies sold in the first week. In an age of celebrities writing books with sensational accusations and/or claims and the junta mocking their cheap attempts to sell their books [most recently by John Buchanan], this is no mean achievement for Mr. Singh. Not just because this has sparked off genuine interest in his product, but also because as he himself claims [and as Rajdeep Sardesai claims here], it is a book of considerable scholarship with an extensive research of 4-5 years. So it ought not to be ignored.

But the BJP seems to be in a major hurry to ban this book. After reports of Narendra Modi banning the book in Gujarat, a BJP leader has demanded that the book be banned all over India because supposedly, the book denigrades Sardar Patel as well. Duh. What a moron. I mean, this is outrageous. What is this nation? Some sort of communist country or Talibanic nation to ban freedom of thought? What about the thousands of times you stereo-typed Nehru as a chela of Mahatma Gandhi and criticized him? Now isn’t he too, a national icon? Mind you, I’m not taking sides here, but just pointing out that the more you speak against something, the more heat it generates, and the more importance it receives. And what the BJP has done here by banning the book is simply create a greater ambiguity about Sardar Patel’s contribution in the minds of the people, which in fact, is a greater insult to his legacy. This book might have ended up in dusty libraries where no one went, but now the BJP is making this book ‘The Satanic Verses’ or ‘The Catcher in the Rye’ of India. Jaswant Singh rightly suggested that banning writing is banning thought and banning thought will be against Indian democratic principles. If the thought is wrong, it will be discarded by the nation eventually. India is not that stupid anymore. So, it might be right to expel him because ‘he violated party ideology’, but banning thought is unacceptable. And that’s what’s wrong with the BJP. It’s members have a misplaced sense of self-righteousness in matters of religion, patriotism and the like. And what surprises me is that in spite of the same types of mistakes, they never seem to learn! It is a party entrenched so deep in historical matters that the future seems unimportant to it.

If there’s something the BJP wants to learn from it’s arch rival, the Congress, it should read this brilliant article from The Hindu about how the Congress accommodated Shashi Tharoor in spite of his pointed criticism of the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty in his 1997 book India : From Midnight to the Millennium and Beyond. Here’s an excerpt from the book [from the article] :

Had Indira’s Parsi husband been a toddywalla (liquor trader) rather than so conveniently a Gandhi, I sometime wonder, might India’s political history have been different?

Something to think about, I bet. Time for some chintan baithak, Beemar Jhand Party, eh?

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Two books, two consequences: Shashi Tharoor on Congress icons

Vidya Subrahmaniam

A Jaswant-Tharoor comparison shows the Congress to be far more accommodating of internal criticism.


The Bharatiya Janata Party’s justification for expelling Jaswant Singh is that his appreciation of Mohammad Ali Jinnah and alleged denigration of Sardar Patel constituted an attack on the party’s core beliefs, which it could not condone. Said Arun Jaitley: “No political party can allow any member, let alone a frontline leader, to write or express views against the core ideology of the party …Sardar Patel’s contribution to unifying India can be undermined by none.”

Mr. Jaitley and others in the BJP might want to read Shashi Tharoor’s 1997 book, India : From Midnight to the Millennium and Beyond. The book, which Mr. Tharoor updated in 2007, is sprinkled with critical references to the Gandhi-Nehru dynasty. Yet the Sonia Gandhi-led Congress offered Mr. Tharoor a Lok Sabha ticket in the 2009 general election. The Congress-led United Progressive Alliance government went a further step and invited him to join the External Affairs Ministry as a Minister of State.

The “party with a difference” has always prided itself on its inner-party democracy, never missing an opportunity to attack the “authoritarian and dynastic” Congress. Yet a Jaswant Singh-Shashi Tharoor comparison would show the Congress to be far more accommodating of internal criticism. If anything, Mr. Tharoor took greater liberties than Mr. Singh, venturing with gusto into areas that the BJP would surely regard as taboo.

Consider what Mr. Tharoor had to say about one of the Congress’ greatest icons — Indira Gandhi. “Had Indira’s Parsi husband been a toddywalla (liquor trader) rather than so conveniently a Gandhi, I sometime wonder, might India’s political history have been different?”

Further, “Mrs. Gandhi was skilled at the acquisition and maintenance of power, but hopeless at the wielding of it for larger purposes. She had no real vision or program beyond the expedient campaign slogans; “remove poverty” was a mantra without a method …. Declaring a state of Emergency, Indira arrested opponents, censored the press, and postponed elections. As a compliant Supreme Court overturned her conviction, she proclaimed a ‘20-point programme’ for the uplift of the common man (No one found it humorous enough to remark, as Clemenceau had done of Wilson’s Fourteen Points, that “even the good Lord only had ten.”) Its provisions … remained largely unimplemented. Meanwhile her thuggish younger son, Sanjay (1946-1980) emphasizing two of the 20 points, ordered brutally insensitive campaigns of slum demolitions and forced sterilizations.”

Mr. Tharoor did not spare Rajiv Gandhi either, though he acknowledged that the former Prime Minister’s first year was exhilarating for people like him “who were swept up in the unfamiliar excitement of having one of our own as Prime Minister”: Instead of the “visionless expediency that had been his mother’s only credo, Rajiv offered transparent sincerity and conviction.” But then, said Mr. Tharoor, “the rot set in …Compromise followed sellout as New Delhi returned to business as usual. Charges of corruption in a major howitzer contract with the Swedish arms manufacturer Bofors tarnished the mystique of the dynasty; little children sang, Galli-galli mein shor hai/Rajiv Gandhi chor hai: ‘Hear it said in every nook/Rajiv Gandhi is a crook.’…”

The current Minister of State also took gentle digs at Sonia Gandhi, pointing out that she went to Cambridge to study English, not political philosophy. Referring to Ms Gandhi’s “renunciation” and her nomination of Manmohan Singh as Prime Minister, he said, “A builder’s daughter from Turino, without a college degree, with no experience of Indian life beyond the rarefied realms of the Prime Minister’s residence, fiercely protective of her privacy, so reserved and unsmiling in public that she has been unkindly dubbed ‘the Turin Shroud’ leading a billion Indians at the head of the world’s most complex, rambunctious and violent democracy? This situation, improbable if weren’t true, is proof again of the enduring appeal of the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty.”

Mr. Tharoor had a reference to Rahul Gandhi and Priyanka Vadra too. Speculating on the reasons for Ms Sonia Gandhi taking charge of the Congress, he said: “And then there is, after all, in true dynastic tradition, the need to think of the aspirations of the next generation … Their [Rahul and Priyanka] father’s seat must, observers suggest, be kept warm for one of them — and who better to nurse the Amethi constituency he so successfully nurtured than Sonia herself?”

The BJP had the Tharoor example before it. It could have taken Mr. Jaswant Singh’s book in its stride, and appeared large-hearted, as the Congress did with Mr. Tharoor. Instead, it chose to show its illiberal side.

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Uncle Sam is watching us

Posted in Uncategorized by cready on August 14, 2009

uncle-samThat’s right. He is watching ALL of us and what we’ve been upto. He sits pretentiously in his mansion there, smoking an expensive cigar, having a scotch and bragging to himself how he’s the Big Daddy of the world. He smirks arrogantly how he can arm-twist any and every nation in the world and make it obey his orders. But guess what ‘uncle’, you’re growing old and soon, you’re time is gonna to get over.

So my friend, get ready for a butt-kicking of a lifetime very soon. Because we ain’t gonna bow to to nothin’ of your crap.

Now, enough with the fancy words. Lets get to the matter of this post seriously. The Unites States Commission on International Religious Freedom, or USCIRF, a U.S Govt. organization established to “monitor the status of freedom of thought, conscience, and religion or belief abroad”, or in colloquial terms, to do some country punching every now-and-then over matters of religious equality, has recently added India to it’s ‘Watch List’ on the grounds that religious freedom in India is getting compromised. Apparently, this jobless organization has an extensive list of ‘Countries to watch out for’, which you may view here. It consists of countries like Cuba, Russia, Afghanistan etc. But that’s not all. It also maintains a ‘Countries of Particular Concern’ list [see this] which has nations like [c’mon, this gotta be easy] China, North Korea, Burma etc. Recently, the USCIRF released a 14 page report on India which prompted it to add India to it’s ‘list’. The report is available here. I quote directly from this report here :

The Commission notes that although the infrastructure for investigating and prosecuting
cases of religiously-motivated violence or harassment exists in India, the capacity of the legal
system is severely limited and is utilized inconsistently. These deficiencies have resulted in a
culture of impunity that gives members of vulnerable minority communities few assurances of
their safety, particularly in areas with a history of communal violence, and little hope of
perpetrator accountability.

Duh. As if this was some real intelligent conclusion after all the ‘research’. I mean, get a life, morons! If you thought this is 1800’s or 1900’s when India was stupid to bow shamelessly to foreign pressure, you’re sadly mistaken. Yes, there are sections of Indian society who are getting oppressed and there is mindless, useless violence, and you’re right in pointing out our wounds. But now, we are capable of handling ourselves. We need neither your crutches nor your bullying. So why don’t you improve your own country with all it’s racial tension boiling all over on the streets, in films and even in politics when Barack Obama became President? What if tomorrow an Indian ‘organization’ releases a ‘report’ about how little the election of a black to the highest post in America has done to it’s white consience? Dudes, no matter what the white among you say today, I ‘know’ that you’re sulking inside for Obama much the same way you think you ‘know’ what India is. Because believe me, you don’t. Power has corrupted you and it has gone to your head. You now look at things around you as if you owned them. You might give all these hi-fi sermons about religious equality, but you really don’t know how a nation feels when it’s innocent citizens are butchered mercilessly over Ram and Allah. Why do Muslims and Sikhs in your country live in fear? So before you go around branding nations as if it were your right, look inside. And the American man payes taxes so that your Government does work for him. If this is your Government’s work, goodluck to the Great American Dream.

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Solitude

Posted in Uncategorized by cready on August 13, 2009

I want to escape. I want to escape this society simple ‘coz I can’t take in anymore of the realism. It hurts me. I just want to go to a secluded place and have some quiet time. I want to experience, for once, the feeling of emptiness, a time away from the abyss of life. I bet there is some unforeseen beauty wrapped underneath that feeling of escapism – something that the day-to-day chores completely blind you from. And I know I’ll love it when I’ll see it. You know why? Because no matter what the world says, I know I’m a pure soul. I respect genuine beauty.

You know, there’s a subtle romanticism in going on a long drive on your moped. There is something even more magical in going to a place so stunning that it will drown all the rage within as if it never existed, something so pure that it simply will resonate back a shouting rampage if you ever unleashed one. The two-wheeled wonder cut gracefully through the barraging wind, making my eyes moist with astonishment. As I traveled up the mountainous road, I threw a casual glance to my left and man, what a beauty that scene was. I could literally feel myself rising from the mess. All the buildings, cars and tiny people kept falling behind my line of sight as I moved forward, as if they themselves were running away from me! And the air that now entered my nose and my mouth was so damn refreshing that it made me wonder if I was being born all over again.

I reached the top, parked my moped in a safe place and started trekking my way ahead. The sun was not completely up and it was perfectly quiet – just the way I had wanted. Walking past the dense, green trees and chirpy bird sounds, I felt a remarkable silence. Finally, I reached a cliff-like place. And about fifteen feet below was that magnificent lake. I just stared blankly at the water, untouched from it’s sleep through the night. There was not one ripple.

“Come here. Sit with me”, I heard her sweet voice from behind. My empty gaze got a rude jolt and I almost fell down from the edge with shock. Trudging along, I smiled, “When did you come here?”. “Hey! What’s this? I came with you. Are you teasing me?”, she uttered, her anguish spilling all over. I smiled mischievously. I always liked troubling her!

We sat there for a good half hour, ranting randomly on all sorts of things, throwing round, odd-looking pebbles into the water and reveling in amazement at the shapes and ripples. I told her to be a good girl and behave a little more maturely. She in turn told me to go to hell for being so bossy all the time! God, I love it when she gets angry! We playfully looked at our reflections in the water and called out each other names. It was fun – real fun. It felt nice bonding after a long time. Finally, she tried pushing me into the water. But the weak little thing failed miserably – she was no match for me. I on the other hand, couldn’t control my laughter looking at her troubled, puffed up face.

“Stupid! If you have any guts, jump in the water! You’re just a loud-mouth. You just brag. You can do nothing more than that!”, she squealed girlishly. At first thought she was joking, but those expectant eyes strengthened my resolve. I was scared shit-less to jump from the cliff into the water which I knew was going to be dead cold. But her repetitive coaxing finally got the better of me – I knew that gleam in her eyes very well. I knew she was my biggest supporter. And I knew she’ll always be.

Shaking nervously, I took a few steps back, looked down at the brown earth for a second and then ran towards the cliff.

I took the plunge into the lake.

God, it felt like a million knives were ripping my heart simultaneously. It was so fucking freezing that in that fleeting second, the only thought that occurred to me was how much colder I was going to feel after stepping out of the water. But a fifteen more seconds in there made me feel remarkably warm. Yet, the natural tepidity was scant consolation for the rash reality, much like in relationships – before you take the plunge, the uneasiness almost kills you. You feel scared whether things will work out. After you forge the relation however, it seems so warm that you never want it to go away; you want to bask in it forever. You fear the frost that might set in if you gave up. And then one day, when it breaks, when someone breaks your heart, you feel betrayed, left numb, out in the cold.

I just never wanted to come outside. I knew the moment I was going to rise from the water, she was going to disappear again in the back of my mind. Her loss from my life was so profound that I knew I was never going to to come to terms with it. God took her away from me, and then teased me time and again with her illusions, even when I desperately wanted to be alone.

She was my only supporter. But I know she’ll always be.

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