The Crooked Cockroach

The God of all monkeys..

Posted in Uncategorized by cready on October 29, 2009

For a long time, I was in the search for the male version of Rakhi Sawant.

KRK Recently, Kamal Rashid Khan [left] and a certain ‘pretty’ designer Rohit Verma [right] came close to that after their ‘beautiful’ spat [believe me, its like watching Bruno on television when you see Mr. Verma] under Big Boss’s watch. You can watch that video here.

So was Chand Mohammed [below, right] on my list, the ex-vice-CM of Haryana who made a big tamasha of his pyaar for Fiza [next to him], but she clearly took away his thunder later by going on TV and speaking about her suicidal plans. ChanduMany guys, hunks and non-females came close to being numero uno on my list, but then, yesterday I found Guddu Rangila [below], the God of all these monkeys. Who could be better at that than apna babu, diamond singer, flamboyant Guddu Rangila? Watch him shake his hips in the video below [If you don’t understand the lyrics, never mind. I too didn’t understand. But the moron’s 7 min. act was completely worth it]. Just blew me away! Uski kamar kya hilaata hai! Aur uske leherate baalwah! wah!

baap hai yaar!

Apparently, this guy is some sort of Elvis of the Bhojpuri sangeet duniya and this song is very famous [for a regional language song, ~1,00,000 hits on youtube is no mean achievement]. Anybody got a spare mirror and a comb for our dashing dude?

Now, a vote of thanks to bhaiyaa for showing me this amazing piece of s***.

It’s guys like Guddu [duh, I’m thinking of calling my kid that now – imagine calling out to chotu Guddu while reading the newspaper in the morning] who’s ‘art’ makes my hopeless life worth living. Rock on, fatso!!

And for the guys who know who Swarnava is, I bet you’ll agree that there’s their faces have an uncanny resemblance.

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The other Jaya

Posted in Uncategorized by cready on October 11, 2009

jaya-sawantRecognize this giantess? Well, how about a hint – her name’s Jaya. Not the Jaya-LOL-ita whom we all know rather well, although one might easily mistake her thanks to the LOL quotient [and obviously her girth], but the other Jaya – Jaya Sawant.

Still not got it? Well, she’s the senior Sawant, the lesser idiotic of the two Sawants of India [I hope she takes this as a compliment rather than an offense after considering her wonderful achievements]. But if I say she is the ‘maker’ of the other Sawant, the more idiotic, the wonderfully twisted Royal Highness Queen Rakhi, I bet she’ll be bloody mad at me. Come on, which mother would like it if we were to call her the ‘maker of a big idiot’?

But I just can’t help but give her such glowing tributes. Sometime, some day, you ought to take credit for your creativity, isn’t it? What’s the point of being an anonymous sucker [like me [;)]] when clearly today’s society worships the ones without even an ounce of shame or common sense? Want to earn a few quick bucks? Go on a reality TV show [read : Big Boss 3], hop around like a monkey without giving a damn about your radius [or diameter or volume], sing like an insane donkey and plot like a manipulator that never was!

That’s right. While beti Rakhi made a ‘fortune’ [WTF?] out of reality shows and naked item numbers, so much so that she thought she was perfect for the Indian male to have her own oh-so-famous swayamvar, the mother sulked that dear daughter was slipping out of her hands and becoming too selfish. Or was it the other way round? That’s the question the choti Sawant tries to settle in this interview to some God-knows-who dumb-ass TV channel. Watch out for the part where she proclaims of herself being a ‘sone ki andaa dene wali murgi‘ [a gold egg laying hen] or where she spells out her vision for improving the nasty Indian politicians by dumping them all in a karyakram like Big Boss. Don’t even miss where she philosophizes about how Big Boss is a ‘training centre’ for zindagi and its ups and downs.

I just couldn’t get enough of this Sawant’s nautanki and nakhras. And so I decided to focus my attention on the woman who made her. As mentioned above, Jaya aunty participated in the 3rd version of Big Boss. The reason for participation? Well, she wanted to patch things up with her estranged daughter. Here’s a promo of her for the programme –

Her chubbiness rather than her daughter saga filled me with pity. People say that the means ofcommunication have made the world smaller today. But I’m guessing this maa-beti jodi believes in using them in exactly the opposite way when they want to talk to each other. Sadly, the maa of Indian clowndom got evicted in the first week itself. Read this detailed report on that. Apparently auntyji is sad that the other girls [rather the bitches] misbehaved with her on the show. I quote her directly for there :

The girls didn’t behave well with me at all. They used to talk in English in front of me despite knowing that I don’t understand the language and then used to make fun of me and laugh at me, I didn’t like it at all. Once I had to ask the audience to vote for me. So Vindu (Vindu Dara Singh) told me I should sit in front of the camera and ask for votes in Marathi. And when I did so, these girls just started laughing. Later, they said that it seemed like I was chanting – Bhaaji lelo, bhaaji lelo (Buy vegetables). That time I started crying. I came on the show for Rakhi – so that she forgets all differences and comes back to me. I don’t even know why she stopped talking to me. But I will keep trying as long as I can. Rest, I can only wish the best for my daughter.

Man. This is the kind of insanity that could result in a legend. Indian politics has the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty and the Thakerey dynasty while Bollywood has the Bachchan Family, Kapoor khandan and so on.

If God be just and history be fair, I’d say fifty years down the line, we will have our very own Sawant dynasty for the clowns of India. Just keep hoping for a nanha Sawant from the Queen.

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The bhawani..

Posted in Uncategorized by cready on August 22, 2009

He came..she saw..he got slapped..

This is a very stale video, which was played out on almost all Indian T.V news channels some one-two years ago on Valentine’s Day. But it will refresh some very mushy beete hui yaade of the dreamy days back then. As far as I’m concerned, I did not have cable television then and thanks to Youtube, I just stumbled upon it by accident a few moments ago. Makes me curse my past for not having had the privilege of such a titan of a moment on Indian telivision. It’s one thing to watch such an iconic moment in recorded version, and it’s another to watch it live. And I’m even more stupid – I did not even follow her swayamvar few weeks ago when I had the perfect opportunity. Till now, I just used to consider her as a joker with breasts, but only now do I realize how amazing and powerful Rakhi Sawant really is.

Oh, and she’s so damn awesome at ragging, isn’t she? Wonder if I should take some lessons from her about how to rag people. The ‘Marathi-mai-propose-karo‘ line was the icing on the cake. And why does the Supreme Court not suspend her for this? Maybe the judges are laughing their asses off and have finally realized how cool ragging really is [;)]. I keep hearing about college seniors getting expelled for torturing their juniors, but I’m sure you’ll agree that she’s an idol for all those wannabe cool dudes to have ragged a puffed up gorilla live on T.V.

Special congratulations to the background score guy and the scriptwriter. And how could I forget the man of the moment, the isliye-toh-body-banayee-hai dude Abhishek who literally moved me to tears. The picturization at 1:04 is a true gem. Kya personality hai!

Oh and I often discuss with my friends about hermaphrodites in general [not because I have a special ‘bond’ with them, but because it’s cool to say ‘hermaphrodite’], but after seeing this bhawani’s roop in the last 3-4 seconds of this video, I would rather happily turn gay if she were to choose me in her next swayamvar.

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